


Fidgeting

by Kudaiyamu



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Feelings, Gen, M/M, Slow Burn, Soft and Fluffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-10-21 06:51:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17637875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kudaiyamu/pseuds/Kudaiyamu
Summary: Caleb can't stop fidgeting, so Caduceus offers to help.The beginnings of a slow burn between them as they interact throughout their time in XhorhasA cute fluffy little short fic, purely platonic. For now.....





	1. Scratching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Campaign 2, episode 50

Caleb couldn’t sleep that night in the tunnels. He stared out of the bubble, leaning against the rock wall. The colors of the geode sparkled and twinkled as the others settled down to sleep. He wished Frumpkin wasn’t outside the bubble so he could hold the cat. His fingers twitched and his arms itched without something to keep his mind off of the scars. 

His thoughts circled around what had been revealed the other day. When he had told them about the Soltryce Academy. The experiments. The torture. He had been positive that after Caleb telling the group that he had been using them, they would have abandoned him. Told him that he was the worst. But they hadn’t. 

“You shouldn’t scratch them Mr. Caleb.” Caduceus’ low calm voice broke through Caleb’s thoughts. Startled, he looked down to realize that through his thinking he had been scratching and his arms were not itching but hurting from scratching through the bandages. 

“Ah, thank you. I did not realize… I was injuring myself.” Caleb tucked his fingers into his palms, and looked over to Caduceus, who was laying down close to the wizard. Then again, he was close to everyone as the bubble had a finite range and Caduceus was a tall firbolg. The shining colors of pinks and oranges and purples of the crystals outside, lit by Cad’s light, made Caduceus look like he was part of a fairy troop, blending into their surroundings 

“Do they hurt?” Caleb blinked, and looked away from the violet eyes that scrutinized him. He looked down at his arms. 

“Ah, no. They do not hurt. They itch at times, but uh, the pain is no longer there. I am afraid I have nothing to stop my hands from scratching though as Frumpkin is outside keeping a look out.” Caleb crossed his arms and tucked his fists under his armpits, the sting of the scratches making him wince slightly as he realized that they did indeed hurt just a little.

“So Frumpkin helps you with your scars?” Caduceus sounded curious, not prying just inquiring. Caleb balked at answering such an intimate question. But he had been trying to be better. To let them know more about his thoughts. He didn’t have to tell Cad that Frumpkin helped him with more than just his scars, but also his anxiety and his nervous ticks. He is trying to be better though, so he opened up to Cad a little bit. 

“Ja, he helps. It helps to be able to pet him. To keep my hands busy. Otherwise…” Caleb shrugs and moves to gesture to his arms. “Sometimes I accidentally hurt myself without meaning to.” Caleb left it at that. No need to tell Caduceus that sometimes he deserved to hurt himself. 

He watched Caduceus as he told him this, wondering what reaction it would have on the cleric. Would he end up despising the fact that Caleb couldn’t control himself sometimes? Would he feel pity for the wizard who hurt himself on accident sometimes? Would he shrug and stop talking to him, ready to go to sleep? All of those reactions seemed fairly reasonable given the current disposition of the group and what he knew about the firbolg. 

What he was not expecting was a hand reaching out for him. Stopping right in the middle of his field of view, palm open and up, the fingers curling lazily as Caduceus rested his elbow on the floor next to Caleb’s knee. He seemed to hesitate as he met Caleb’s eyes. 

“If you need something to keep your hands busy, I don’t mind if you pretend I’m Frumpkin. I know I’m not your cat, but I am furry. If you don’t want to, that’s okay too, I understand, it’s a little weird but I honestly don’t mind. I just really don’t want you to hurt yourself.” 

Caleb blinked a few times before reaching out and lightly touching the furry arm offered to him. It was indeed soft and furry and warm. Not at all like Frumpkin, more like a cross between a sheep’s wool and a cows hide. But not unpleasant all together. 

He pulled the hand into his lap, accepting the offer as he started to fidget with Caduceus’s hand. The light grey fur covered the back of the hand, with the palm free from fur and instead covered with a thicker leather-ish hide. The palm was actually colder to the touch, and black nubs were where nails should be. 

“Do you mind if I sit next to you? It’s a little uncomfortable like this….” Cad’s voice interrupted Calebs musings. 

“Ah, but you are trying to sleep. I am sorry for interrupting you Herr Clay.” He let go of Caduceus’ hand and put his own hands into his lap, able to ignore the compulsion to scratch his scars now that he was aware of his surroundings. 

“I wouldn’t have offered if it was too much trouble Mr. Caleb.” Caduceus’ eyes traveled over Caleb’s body as he sat against the stone wall lined with the magic bubble. “Are you going to sleep too?” 

“I should.” Caleb sighed and looked around at the others, Beau already knocked out curled up next to a snoring Yasha, Jester’s tail twitching with her dreams as she smiled. Fjord had his arm up and across his eyes in a make shift eye mask to keep the light out. Nott was curled up next to him, sleeping heavily through out the entire conversation. 

“If you lay down next to me, you can use my arm again.” Caleb blinked and looked at the spot beside Caduceus. It was a tight squeeze between the wall and Yasha, but there was enough room for the two of them. 

He gave a short nod and shifted slightly, laying down, feeling the heat radiating off the firbolg. It was kind of nice, even though his magic bubble and coat granted him some protection, the earth beneath them was still radiating cold. 

After getting situated, Caduceus draped his arm across Caleb’s waist, and Caleb’s hands immediately started fidgeting with the fur. He still wished that Frumpkin was here, but this was still nice. He had something for his hands to fiddle with. And the light weight from the arm was comforting. 

Listening to the sounds of sleeping around him, Caleb felt his eyelids droop and with the warmth of Caduceus behind him, it took way too much will power to stay awake after their long day of travel through the tunnels. Unconsciously, he pulled Cad’s arm into him, snuggling into the man, as he finally let himself rest, his arms no longer itching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written because I can, and am slightly drunk. 
> 
> There needs to be more fluff in the world. Because the world sucks. 
> 
> Please tell me if I made any mistakes and I might go back and fix them when I'm a bit more sober. Maybe. 
> 
> If anyone would like me to continue this, maybe I will make this into a multi-chapter fic.


	2. Twitching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb has a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Campaign 2, Episode 51

After that night, it almost became a habit for Caleb to lean against Caduceus when Frumpkin was outside the bubble keeping watch. Most of the time Caleb would start off closer to Nott but by the time he had gotten comfortable and fallen asleep, he was very gently holding on to one of Cad’s arms. 

It was just the softness of Caduceus’ fur that made him feel comfortable and it was very warm as well. It had started to get colder, and although the spell made the inside of the hut warm and comfortable, Caleb was drawn to the warmth that Cad seemed to radiate. He had stopped wrapping his arms and he thought that he was slightly colder without the wraps and so, it seemed only logical to be drawn to the firbolg. 

Caduceus never seemed to mind, moving so that whenever Caleb ended up next to him, he would be within reaching distance comfortably. The firbolg didn’t read too much into it to be honest. This was helping Caleb, keeping him from feeling bad or from scratching and hurting himself. And he was happy to help.

If the other members of the Mighty Nein noticed their sleeping arrangement, they didn’t bother to say anything. Nott did look at Caduceus with more scrutiny than normal, Caleb was her boy after all, but the comfort that Caduceus gave Caleb helped ease her fears. When Caleb would make his way over to Cad, Nott would cuddle up to the girls, usually Jester. 

One of the nights, when they were out on the Xhorhasian plains, Caduceus was woken by Caleb twitching and gripping his arm very tightly. The wizard was extremely quiet, not letting out any sounds, but his grip was tightening by the second, to the point where it was starting to hurt. Caleb had rolled onto his side, tucking his face into Caduceus’ shoulder, his breathing becoming ragged and shallow and both hands clenching tightly around Cad’s arm. Still not a sound left the tense man.

Reaching across his body to grip Caleb’s shoulder, Caduceus recognized Caleb as having a nightmare and gently shook him, trying to rouse him from his dreams. 

“Mr. Caleb?” Caduceus’ low slow voice slowly penetrated Caleb’s dark thoughts, the fur underneath his fingers slightly calming him and piercing blue eyes slowly opened, his body still tense and waiting for fight or flight. His mouth opened very slightly, but no noise came out, at this point his own body falling back into years of training to Keep Silent. Frozen in body, Caleb’s eyes slowly, slowly, slowly travelled up Caduceus’ arm, shoulder, and finally came to rest on the firbolg’s chin, the bright pink patch of hair there taking up all of Caleb’s vision. His eyes shook slightly, almost watering as he was unable to look into comforting violet eyes.

Caduceus was worried now. Caleb was awake but his grip hadn’t loosened, his muscles still tense, and small tremors shook through him every few seconds. Caduceus recognized this as what happens when Caleb burns someone to death. Maybe Caleb’s dream had been about burning or something? Caduceus let his hand gently pat the wizard, not sure if he would make this better or worse. 

“Mr. Caleb, is it alright if I touch you?” He watches Caleb slowly blink, not making eye contact. Caduceus frowned and got a firmer grip on Caleb’s shoulder, and started running his huge hand down Caleb’s arm, pulling the frozen man more firmly against his torso. He could feel Caleb’s chest with every short shallow breath he took. 

Worried at the lack of response and not really knowing what else to do, Caduceus cast lesser restoration, letting the turquoise magic flow out of his finger tips and into Caleb, hoping that this will do something to help. He had a feeling it wouldn’t really do anything, but when in doubt it never hurt. 

Caleb could feel the warmth flow through his body, his eyes re-focused on Caduceus’ chest as slowly the tremors subsided. Caduceus’ hold on him had pulled his face into the crook of the firbolg's shoulder and chest. The smell of fur and dirt and moss and wood fills his nose as Cad holds him tightly with his free hand. His eyes close and his breathing starts to even out, his grip on Cad’s incapacitated arm slowly, slowly, slowly loosening as seconds pass. 

After a minute, Caleb had returned almost back to normal. He then noticed that through this all, Caduceus had never stopped caressing his back and arm. A wave of embarrassment and shame hits Caleb as he realizes that he had a panic attack while Caduceus was there. He lets go of Caduceus’ arm completely, scooting backwards, towards the curve of the bubble, his cheeks flushed red and his eyes downcast, still not meeting Cad’s gaze. 

"Caleb? Are you okay now?" Caduceus asked as he watched Caleb move a few feet away from him.

“Ja.” Caleb shook his head as he said this, almost subconsciously contradicting himself, his arms coming up to wrap around himself, fingers scrabbling against his skin, his scars. 

“Caleb. Stop.” Caduceus almost looked annoyed, as the firbolg reached over and physically gripped Calebs hands. “You shouldn’t scratch.” Caleb was shocked enough to look up at Caduceus. In the dark, it is hard to make out his facial expressions, but he can see faintly the frown that graces the firbolg's face. 

“A-ah… excuse me Caduceus. I didn’t mean to … do any of this. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Almost as a second nature, Caleb conjures a single ball of light above his shoulder that faintly lights the bubble, the rest of the group soundly sleeping through the commotion. Although now that he thought about it, the entire exchange had been fairly quiet.

Caduceus’ soft low voice cut through his thoughts.

“It’s alright Mr. Caleb. You seemed to be having a nightmare, so I thought it would be better to wake you up.” Caduceus studied Caleb’s face, this close to him he was able to notice the dark circles under his eyes and the flushed look across his cheeks, the miserable look in the set of his mouth.

“You could say that…” Caleb shook his head, getting rid of the thoughts that had followed from his nightmare and were haunting his waking mind. He had gone back to not making eye contact, instead focusing on Caduceus’ hands on his hands, stopping him from doing something stupid. 

“You look like you could use some tea.” Caduceus gently squeezed Caleb's hands before letting them go and wandering over to stoke the fire a little from where it had dimmed for the night, filling and then setting his tea kettle in among the coals to get the water boiling. 

Caleb wiped his hands over his eyes, becoming more and more stable as time passed. His eyes shifted to look up to the dreary cloud covered sky, making a mental calculation to find out what time it was. Sunrise was in 2 hours. And it was too much trouble to go back to sleep. 

“Tea would be very nice.”

Caleb and Caduceus sat together and drank tea as they waited for the sun to rise, and the rest of the group to wake, letting Caleb’s nightmares fade into the back ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheers to getting shit done.
> 
> Definitely feeling the slow burn that this could end up being. I might have ideas, and may be posting another chapter. But don't hold me to it. I want them to just freaking hold each other and be soft but noooooo I have to make it hard on them and on my emotions and I really want to just hit them both upside the head.
> 
> Also, casting lesser restoration didn't do anything to help Caleb, but the magic feeling was enough to break through Caleb's panic. IDK if I explained that well enough.


	3. Shivering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's cold in the Four Corners pens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Campaign 2, Episode 53

He had spoken the words himself but hadn’t realized exactly what they had meant. 

"We do not have three rooms like we usually do. I feel like the ladies and gentlemen should split up.” 

The Mighty Nein had pulled up to the Four Corners pen in Asarius after investigating the city for more of those rifts, hoping to get some sleep before their early morning meeting at the well Fjord had climbed down.

The rest of the group hadn’t even blinked an eye, splitting up with the girls taking the “room” closer to the door and to the right and Fjord stalking off to take the far “room” to the left while Caduceus followed. Caleb watched Nott settle down with the girls, glancing down to where Fjord and Cad were. He was torn, to be honest. They had all been rooming together under the magic bubble for so long, it was almost scary for Caleb to not be surrounded by the whole party. 

After eight indecisive minutes of looking back and forth, he made his way to the stall with Fjord and Caduceus, Fjord already beginning to fall asleep on a part of the hay covering the very hard and uncomfortable stony ground. Caleb frowned, but claimed a small pile of the hay with a few blankets on the other side of Cad who had taken up station in the middle with his tall lanky legs almost reaching out of the stall. The firbolg had pushed his pack up under his head and was using it for a pillow. He smiled lazily at Caleb under lowered eyelids, his fingers laced across his stomach as he watched the wizard try to fluff up his sleeping pile into something comfortable. 

Caleb began to take his coat off, thinking of balling it up and using it as a pillow, but thought again as a cool draft blew through. The Four Corners pen was far from insulated and the three walled stalls allowed the cold winter air to linger. A cloth divider closed off the stall to the main hallway and shifted with every breeze. Caleb hated it. It reminded him of when he had to sleep on the streets after he had escaped the asylum, before he had met Nott and then the Mighty Nein. 

Curling up in the hay, he felt his eyes drooping despite feeling the lumps and bumps of the stone floor underneath him. He frowned and turned onto his side, a small shiver going through him. He tried to shut out the cold and breathed slowly. He turned over again after about ten minutes, the shivering happening more frequently. He summoned Frumpkin and had the fey cat lay against his side, hoping to get some warmth. But unfortunately, the cold winter nights of Xhorhas left Caleb colder even with Frumpkin. 

“Mr. Caleb, are you having a hard time sleeping?” The soft tones of Caduceus voice washed over him from behind, almost warming him from the inside and bringing a very small blush to dust the tops of his cheeks, hiding behind his beard. He had thought Caduceus had fallen asleep by now, but perhaps his tossing and turning had disrupted the cleric.

“I’m sorry Caduceus, I’ll try to stay still.” His voice sounded tired even to his own ears. He shivered involuntarily as a very cold draft swept through and pulled his coat around him tighter, scooping Frumpkin into his arms close to his chest. It’s fine, he’ll be fine, he just needs to focus on something else besides the gottverdammt cold. 

He jumped slightly and made a startled noise when he suddenly felt arms reach around his waist and pull him backwards through the hay. Caduceus had some long arms to go with those long legs and was able to easily reach out to the shivering wizard to pull him close. A coarse woven blanket was pulled over them, enveloping them both.

Caleb almost immediately felt warmer now that Caduceus was providing a shield from the cold draft that wound its way across the floor along with the addition of another blanket. Frumpkin’s eyes peeked up over Caleb's shoulder out from the cloth to stare at Caduceus, bothered by the sudden movement across the floor. The fey cat sneezed at the firbolg and then cuddled back into Caleb’s arms. Caleb knew that the cat didn’t care about the heat or cold, but he could have sworn the cat was more comfortable now that the chill was kept away.

Caleb's light dusting of a blush was now a full-blown rose hue as he realized that Cad’s arms were still holding onto his waist, his hands just lightly resting against his middle, not tightening but not letting go. Caleb almost felt as though Caduceus wasn’t sure what to do now that he had brought the wizard closer. 

Usually Caleb was the one who sought out Caduceus when they slept. Only in the dome and only when Frumpkin wasn’t there. This was different. Caduceus had never really reacted to Caleb holding onto his arms or petting his short fur, just allowing it to happen naturally and comfortably. He had never really held Caleb like this before.

“Is…is this okay Mr. Caleb?” Cad’s low inquisitive voice directly against his ear sent shivers down Caleb's spine and settled low in his gut. His breathing quickened slightly as he felt warmth spread out from his chest, and it was not related to the cat currently curled against him. 

These feelings were… unusual. It had been a long time since he had felt like this towards another person. And then it had been Astrid, a short dangerous human woman, not a tall lanky firbolg man with a heart of gold and a dopey smile. 

Albeit, he had thought she was the one back then. He had been a teenager though, a child really, specially when it came to feelings. Now that he was older, had seen the world in a new light, he would never trust those feelings again. 

This warmth in his chest, filling his lungs and stomach, must be some echo, a shadow, some hope in his heart that still lived on despite everything. He would have to stop that from happening. Is going to put a stop to it. Later.

“J-Ja.” The curt reply hid his feelings. At least he hoped. With Cad’s high perception, it was hard to hide things like that from him. “Thank you, Caduceus. It’s very cold tonight.” He felt Caduceus slightly tighten his grip on his waist and felt him let out a sigh, Cad’s chest expanding against his back, the warm air brushing against his ear and blowing his hair. 

Caleb held his breath and leaned back against the man, letting the warmth envelope him. With his coat, Caduceus holding him, and the small pile of hay and blankets, Caleb actual felt like he could sleep. Caleb could feel Cad resting his chin against the top of his head, his body relaxed and slowly molded against Caleb’s back . Eventually Caleb let out the breath he had been holding and slowly, ever so slowly, relaxed. 

He would hate himself in the morning for taking advantage of this situation. He would somehow find a way to blame himself for letting his guards down for the night. But right now, this actually felt really good, a heavy weight holding him onto the planet, grounding him, filling his senses with feeling of warmth and comfort. It had been a long time since he’d let himself feel like this, years in fact. As he began to drift off to sleep this time he wondered if he would let himself feel this way again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh, someone got the feelings. Well shit, guess they're gonna have to do something about that....  
> TBH Caleb and his feelings are pretty damn complex and I feel like that will take a whole chapter in and of itself to reconcile. I just do not want to deal with his head space right now lol. I'd rather keep it light and soft, but SUPER ANGSTY Caleb really makes that super hard, specially when it come to feelings.
> 
> In the mean time, I'm open to suggestions for any other "fidgeting" behavior y'all can think of. And any advice on what I can do to make this better. 
> 
> Happy Pride month


End file.
